Slick Like a Fox – A Blurb Series

As part of a series of blurbs here, we will be taking fact-based news events and/or announcements and attempt to predict the spin that will be implemented by the two parties’ respective news organizations. For the right that means: Fox News, The Washington Post, and The Wall Street Journal. For the left that means: MSNBC, The New York Times, and The Huffington Post (well, mostly just Ariana Huffington).

Today? We predict the spin from Fox.

An international poll done by the BBC was released on Monday. Feel free to check it out here.

The poll basically outlines what anyone following politics regularly knows: most of the world would prefer an Obama presidency to a Mitt Romney one. Of course, that is, with the exception of Pakistan – the nation we infiltrated during a Seal Team 6 raid in order to assassinate the arch-terrorist that their government was deliberately hiding: Osama Bin Laden.

And now… Welcome to the Art of the Fox News Spin:

Anchor: Sean Shepley O’Brien Coulter (or whatever)

A poll was released yesterday by British news outlet, BBC. The poll asked people around the world, who they would prefer as President of the United States.

First off, let me just say that I personally don’t care what the rest of the world wants. Many members of the world community have shown themselves to either be enemies of or hindrances to the United States of America. Greece and the Europeans want handouts and bailouts from our tax money, China would rather we be soft, appeasing bystanders of their currency manipulation, the Middle East would much prefer a man who apologizes for our freedom and doesn’t stand by Israel. Frankly, I would rather have the right man, and not the popular one – especially when the audience is a coalition of beggers, terrorists, and Communists.

Having said that, as one would expect, Obama was the far more popular choice worldwide. With the exception of Pakistan.

Now a bit about that: of course Obama would do well with the socialist European nations, the South American and Asian communist dictatorships, the Middle Eastern Islamo-fascists and the mother country that subjugated and taxed us to death in the first place!

But is he ahead where he needs to be? No. Pakistan, right now, is one of our greatest allies. They assisted our capture of Osama Bin Laden – Mr. Obama could not possibly have done this on his own *dismissive scoff*. They are also the only thing stopping Southeast Asia from breaking out into nuclear war.

So what can we expect from a second Obama term? Unrest in Pakistan leading to civil war, skirmishes along the Kashmir due to insecurity amongst the beloved Pakistani people, a nuclear strike on Israel, and global thermonuclear war culminating in the genocide of bald eagles. God knows… the mushroom cloud over the 9/11 memorial may even dissipate in the shape of a hammer and sickle.

Again, the right choice is rarely the popular one.

Up Next after the break: there’s a rapist literally behind you. Run. However, should you get caught and impregnated, keep the baby – Gift-from-God rape is not only legitimate, it is a blessing from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Also, it’s Obama’s fault. Just everything. All of it.

*cue Shell “clean-coal” commercial and theatrical trailer for Dinesh D’Souza’s 2016: Obama’s America*


That’s textbook frame-shifting, used to perfection by partisan news outlets on a regular basis: Frame the argument into a rigged game in which the good news for the opponent cannot possibly be interpreted as good, extrapolate the data through the lens of that framework, minimize any conceivable strength of the news, and draw out the negative impact through your constructed lens via reductio ad absurdum.

Plant that seed of seemingly irrefutable arguments without presenting any arguments to the contrary or even without staying on the topic too long. Quickly pivot to some manner of fear-mongering. Rinse and repeat.

And that’s why these folks get paid the big bucks.